


Sweet Things Come With An Eventual Visit to the Dentist

by yatagarasu (leelhiette)



Series: Some Glucose With A Dash Of Cholesterol [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Compliant, Drama, Follows Anime Timeline, Lots of it, M/M, Obliviousness, Pre-shogun assassination arc, Toshirou-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:01:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24069307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leelhiette/pseuds/yatagarasu
Summary: Toshirou should've known better than to let Kondo stop him in the hallways that evening, bellowing his name and waving around plastic bags of fortune cookies. (Or support is given when he clearly didn't ask for it.)
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou & Okita Sougo, Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Series: Some Glucose With A Dash Of Cholesterol [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735858
Comments: 24
Kudos: 214





	Sweet Things Come With An Eventual Visit to the Dentist

**Author's Note:**

> So, I started writing this actually after posting the other one because I just remembered that 05/05 is Toshi's birthday. And this is incredibly late. So belated happy birthday to my fave!

Toshirou was tired.

And he was also so goddamn _pissed_.

Two weeks' worth of investigation had to be extended to three weeks. _Three. Fucking. Weeks._ Because Kondo had gotten caught up in one of the Yorozuya's and that woman's schemes once again. It had been bad enough that he and Sougo had gotten mixed up in it as well. It had already ranked high on his list of nights _never_ to be repeated _ever_. Dressing up as a part-time host, beaten bloody by inebriated women, and partnering up with that stupid perm head was not on his list of having a good time.

That was not mentioning how the memories of that night, right after that Madame came back for the third time, came in blurry nightmare-inducing flashes. And waking up in the tatami of his room, obviously having not been in the right mind to even set up his futon, along with one of the worst hangovers he'd had in a while, had not really paved way to making heads or tails of his work that day or the following week.

When they finally arrested the criminals behind it, _at long fucking last_ , Toshirou did not appreciate having to spend his whole night until the hours of dawn slaving away with paperwork-san to properly finish up the case. If he'd had to read the word anpan in Yamazaki's report for the hundredth fucking time, he'd hunt him down and force him to commit seppuku.

So, here he was, sleep-deprived and just wanted to have a long, proper sleep.

For the past few days, he'd slept and woke up hunched on his low table. He just wanted to collapse on his futon this time. _Was that too much to ask?_

Apparently, it was. Or Kondo seemed to think it was. Toshirou should've known better than to let Kondo stop him in the hallways that evening, bellowing his name and waving around plastic bags of fortune cookies. Sometimes, he just wanted to smack the man into oblivion just to save himself from a day or two of insanity.

"Toshi!" Kondo continued to yell, excitement practically oozing out of his face that soothed his anger just a bit.

"What is it Kondo-san?" He tried to sound as polite as he could through the gruffness of sleep threatening to take him right there and then.

The man then proceeded to brandish the bags he was carrying. Now that he got a closer look, Kondo was actually carrying four bags of the damn things. Without further ado, he shoved one towards his vice-commander's unwilling hands. Part of him was bewildered and already suspicious of what the man was plotting this time. Some distant quiet part of him thought that the last time he'd seen a fortune cookie, Tamegorou was cleaning the crumbs off of his hands from breaking one too forcefully.

To stave off the oncoming headache, Toshirou lit the cigarette that had been hanging between his lips and promptly took a deep, long drag.

"Otae-san and the girls back in Snack Smile made a new gig for their customers." Kondo eventually explained and, _of fucking course_ , it had something to do with Otae. "It was left by the exit as freebies as a way to end their visit. I grabbed some for us, of course!" The man chattered on obliviously, cheeks tinted pink.

"So, you mean to tell me," Toshirou's voice deepened into something like a growl. "You _stole_ these things?"

"What?" His commander looked dumbfounded for a second before his face crumpled into indignation. "No! _No!_ You got it wrong, Toshi! The thing was, it, ah, wasn't a hit. They had it going for three days. So Otae-san gave it all away for free. Isn't she so sweet? I tried to express my thanks but she kicked me out. But, _but!_ She told me that if I can share each bag to someone and read one fortune from a cookie per day, after it was done, I can show my face there again!" He explained with renewed enthusiasm.

Toshirou had to admire the subtle way that woman tried to stall Kondo from once again breaking protocols to stalk her. Judging from the number of these things per bag, it ought to keep his commander occupied for at least three to four weeks. Not to mention, involving other people in it would ensure that Kondo followed through with the deal.

Suddenly, what Kondo said fully caught up to him.

Oh no, he now saw where this was heading, just _no_ –-

"So, Toshi, you gotta help me!" pleaded the man as he stared at him with wide teary eyes not worthy of a commander. "I'm gonna give this to Zaki and Sougo, too. So, the three of you can share the task with me." He continued to appeal his case.

"Can't you just throw them out?" He tried to argue, already getting tired of this.

"What?" The man squawked in horror. "How can you say _that_? Otae-san will find out and I'll never be allowed to see her again!" He cried at the mere thought and just a bit of terror at the thought of what said woman would do.

Not that he really cared at the moment.

"Kondo-san–" Toshirou tried to get out of this before it could derail any further than it already had.

"Please, Toshi!" The man kneeled on the ground, clasping his hands and unmindful of the cigarette ashes dropping on his face and hair. "Just this once!"

How many times had he heard that phrase ever since Kondo met Shimura Tae?

So, no way in _hell_ , goddamn it–

"I'll do all the paperwork for the next week!" At that, Toshirou perked up and was about to accept right there and then– "And I'll even confiscate Sougo's bazooka for that week as well so you can at least relax a little, too!" He sweetened the deal because Kondo knew him all too well.

"Add three bottles of mayonnaise then we have a deal." The vice-commander finally relented.

"I knew I could count on you!" Kondo leapt up to envelop him into an enormous hug, almost getting burned by the end of his cigarette.

"Oi, don't forget the mayonnaise!"

He knew that he'd gotten a lot out of this deal than he'd bargained for. Heck, Sougo was going to be crossed with him once he got wind that it was because of Toshirou that he had one of his killing machines taken away by their commander. The task itself was simple enough, he thought. And sleep-deprived and dreadfully exhausted Hijikata Toshirou could only look at the blessings. Right now, all other things would matter more once he woke up from his very-much needed sleep.

So, it was fine.

**oOo**

_When you meet an idiot,_ the strip of paper after two weeks of breaking cookies daily started, _it is fine to be confused_.

The fortunes were weird enough. Sometimes, they were terrifyingly accurate. On other days, like this one, they were just plain befuddling. Since he hadn't wanted to be seen with one within the barracks or outside, he'd taken to breaking them in the privacy of his room before starting his day. He didn't know if Kondo had managed to convince Sougo and Yamazaki but he'd had to swipe some suspicious crumbs sometimes from Yamazaki's reports lately.

Since he wasn't one to waste food, he'd eaten the damn things as well. His only consolation had been they weren't too sweet as he hadn't wanted to waste his precious mayonnaise on them.

It wasn't until the second week that Toshirou began to notice that his stack didn't seem to be decreasing. He had his suspicions about that too relating to sadistic subordinates still smarting from Kondo going through with his agreement in seizing dangerous bazookas. So, he pretended not to notice.

At least, the other positive thing about this ordeal was that Kondo didn't go out to see Otae and had been diligently treating the words of his daily fortune cookies as gospel.

The man had tried to make it a custom in the barracks.

Fortunately, Toshirou got wind of it sooner before it could be fully implemented. He had to threaten Kondo about disposing all the fortune cookies in the barracks, therefore breaking his deal to Otae, and that was one averted disaster.

Now, he couldn't help but think about his fortune for the day as Sakata Gintoki sat on the same bench as he did during his break at the dango stand. Normally, he would already be spewing out a harsh reprimand about the stupid perm finding somewhere else to take up his sugary stink. Though, the words wouldn't come seeing as the silver-haired man had been acting strangely ever since their rather bizarre meeting back at the café.

That had been the day after he'd come back from his monthly visit to Tamegorou's grave. And he hadn't been in the mood to fight the damn perm so he'd let the other be. Though, the mention of time machines, as absurd as a topic could go, had taken him towards dangerous territories.

Still, ever since then, the Yorozuya boss had been acting _almost_ politely every encounter.

Certainly, the idiot would occasionally slip up with an insult or two but Toshirou wasn't exactly oblivious to the way he bit back some slurs from seeing the light of the day. Not to mention, the guy went out of his way to avoid outright confrontations. Especially around his kids. He couldn't help the mounting suspicion that the other was up to no good. So, he'd imitated the other and returned the favor by playing nice with him.

Just didn't mean he'd let his guard down, though.

"Yo, Oogushi-kun," The Yorozuya greeted him with a lazy smile after he'd placed his order.

"Who're you calling Oogushi?" His eyebrow twitched, wishing that this bastard had at least taken this habit with whatever ruse he'd set up. "What? No job for today, Yorozuya?" He settled for asking instead as he drizzled some mayonnaise on his second stick of dango.

"Am gonna go this afternoon with the kids, actually," The man shrugged as his eyes lit up at the plate of dango being served. "Had to go and help an old geezer find someone for him. Doesn't pay much but he could use the help," He frowned at this as if remembering something about this job that didn't sit well with him, already chewing through his dango.

Toshirou raised an eyebrow, taking a bite of his own food.

"I hope you're not getting into something illegal again," He felt the need to remind the other because he was honestly tired of dealing with this man and those two kids getting tangled in things they should've stayed out of.

To his surprise, the man chuckled. As it was, Toshirou was confused and bordering offended at the reaction.

"Nah," The lazy perm waved him off. "Just a father wanting to see his hardworking son. Nothing against the law here." He raised his hands as if trying to convey that he meant no harm.

Tch, as if.

Though, the situation resonated with something within him. Toshirou blinked and thought about things that he could've done differently. He was of the prime belief that the past was a dangerous place to dwell in. If he obsessed over every single thing, there would be no end to it. _Damn that curly haired bastard and his time machine_. He absolutely hated it. But then he'd remember how Yorozuya's eyes had been clear that day, so very present, and be reminded again that he had no time to dwell.

With an aggravated sigh, he pulled out a cigarette and lit one to soothe his nerves.

"Tell me the son's name and I'll see what I can pull up from our database," He impulsively offered, taking a long drag of smoke in order to avoid looking at the silver-haired man.

"Hey, this is _our_ job! You're not robbing us of our payment." The asshole had the nerve to complain.

He closed his eyes because he was afraid that if he turned to glare at the idiot before him, he'd had to pull out his sword and attempt to cut off an arm or two to bash said idiot's head with it. As it was, he didn't want to break whatever stalemate this man had brought them to. He'd been enjoying the quiet for once and having one less nuisance (i.e. Sougo) from making his blood pressure spike up to dangerous levels.

_I'm not doing this for you, idiot._

"I'm doing this for that old man. I don't care about the payment." Toshirou eventually bit out once he was sure that he wasn't going to yell.

For a moment, there was surprised silence.

"Well, it would make the job easier…" was what the Yorozuya bastard eventually had to say.

"Just tell me the goddamn name, you shitty perm!" Toshirou eventually snapped.

"Oh, so angry Hijikata-kun." _Whose fault do you think that is?!_ "Alright, alright. Gin-san will give it since you so kindly offered your services, which for the record, I didn't purchase. So, this is a done deal without anything in return for you." The paranoid perm head cleared as he gave the name, as if Toshirou was going to pull a fast one on him.

This guy was fucking unbelievable.

"Fine by me," He scoffed and took another drag of his cigarette, deciding the conversation to be over.

"Even though you're prickly, you're surprisingly a good guy, huh?"

Obviously, the idiot thought otherwise.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Toshirou grouched as he gave in to the urge to glare at the moron.

However, he was caught off guard by the small smile on the other's face and none of the taunting smirk he'd expected from him. Then, the idiot stood up and left some coins, waving at him as he did so and his other hand, no doubt, occupied by having one of his fingers already stuck to his nostril.

"It means don't change, Hijikata-kun."

Toshirou would never understand that man.

**oOo**

"I'll never understand that guy," Toshirou found himself complaining as he downed a cup of sake.

The old man behind the stand hummed, sounding curious. He'd been by this place on occasions when he wanted to drink alone in peace. Not to mention, this man catered to his mayonnaise-related needs as well. Though, the selling point of this shop was not merely the sake, the food or the quiet. Yatai Guchiri-ya was well-known for being an open ear to those who needed to vent out. With a lot of pent-up stress from work, Toshirou found that he couldn't resist trying it.

Now, here he was two days after that encounter with that perm.

"But didn't you say that he seems friendlier than before?" The old man, whose name Toshirou still didn't know, asked him.

"That's what he'd like me to think," He grumbled with a frown, full of skepticism. "But you don't know that curly haired bastard the way I do. He can be underhanded in some ways. I just need to know what he wants so he can go back the way he was before. That guy is totally rotten to the core." He snorted to himself at this, glaring at his empty sake cup.

"Instead of doubting him, why not actually just give him a chance?" was the advice of the old man and Toshirou was suddenly reminded about another reason why he'd started taken a liking to this place. "He might surprise you, Mayo Samurai-san, you never know. Although you're right to say that he sounds quite the troublesome fellow. But if you really think he's not sincere, why do you have to go down to that level as well? Instead of returning fire with fire, it's always better to resort to peaceful resolutions." The man nodded decisively at this.

Don't remind him, damn it. If it wasn't Sougo, then it was that perm who brought out the worst in him.

"Fine." Toshirou found himself agreeing for the lack of anything better to say.

If the idiot was faking, at least Toshirou could say that he himself hadn't been a total asshole. If he wasn't, well, he'd get there one day.

"So, how was work lately? That boss of yours still stalking a woman?" The topic eventually shifted to another matter.

"I think I got a week, or a week and a half at best before he goes back to his old ways," He grimaced at this, knowing he could not just throw his own pile of fortune cookies on Kondo seeing as the man obsessively counted them down until he could show his face to Otae again. Speaking of which, his own fortune that morning had told him to _count his blessings_ which made no total sense to him.

Then again, Sougo had only made an attempt on his life just once for today so he figured that counted.

Before they could continue with Toshirou's grievances, the flap to the stand was pushed to the side to give way to a new character who sat down on the empty space beside him. Toshirou didn't turn to look at him as the old man busied himself by bringing out another bottle of alcohol and cup to serve. Once they were all settled, Toshirou went back to his own drink and contemplated how to stall Kondo just a little more–

"That hits the spot!" A familiar voice sighed in contentment. "Thanks, old man!"

His head snapped to the side, wide-eyed.

"Ah, haven't seen you for a while there, Madao-san." The owner of the stand greeted familiarly, making it clear that the other was a regular as well. "Does that mean you finally got yourself a job for this week?" He inquired with a kind, fatherly smile.

Of all the people to run into, it just had to be one of the sugar freak's friends.

As if capable of reading his mind, the old man behind the counter pulled up the signboard of the shop's rules. The man then quietly pointed out the third rule: _if you see a familiar face, pretend you don't know them_. Though, it wasn't like Toshirou personally knew Hasegawa Taizou. He just saw the man frequently in that damn natural perm's company a lot of times. And he didn't need his presence here getting back to that bastard if he could help it.

"I thought I finally did," Hasegawa answered the man, voice full of dejection. "But then this curly haired bastard and his kids had to ruin it. So, I'm on the streets again." He complained as he took a gulp of his sake.

_Oi bastard, just how rotten are you? You've got two people complaining here about you!_

"Oh, you did say that he always does that." The old man was full of sympathy.

"I know. I told myself to never trust him again but I still go back to him, anyway." Hasegawa sounded even more guilt-ridden as he said this. Although, why was this guy wording it like he and the perm head were in the middle of an abusive relationship? He didn't need to know that asshole's business, thank you very much.

Toshirou remained quiet, taking a sip of his sake.

"Ah, he sounds really nasty, doesn't he? This guy here is also complaining about another curly haired bastard–"

And promptly spat it out.

 _Damn old man, what the fuck do you think you're saying?!_ His mind shrieked in alarm, feeling the blood drain down his face as he wiped his mouth with a tissue. What did the owner even think about _another_? He was absolutely positive that it was the same curly haired bastard, for God's sake!

"–and I think that people with curly hair are not to be trusted." The old man nodded at this proclamation solemnly.

"Another one got you too, huh?" Hasegawa patted Toshirou's shoulder in commiseration.

_He totally thinks we're talking about different people!_

"Y-Yeah, I guess." He found himself tentatively agreeing, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

**oOo**

His brows loosened from their furrowing as he set the paperwork aside.

"So, is that all of it?" He asked as he stared at Sougo who was occupying a chair by his bedside. "There's a lot of loose ends here. We need to keep an eye on Sasaki. I don't really trust that guy." His eyes narrowed as he tried not to think about that bastard who was ready to sacrifice his brother for the greater good, tried not to think about the letter he sent and how much he gave away but couldn't regret those words because he meant them.

"You don't need to tell me twice, Hijikata-san," Sougo answered him blandly. "Besides, things would've gone a lot smoother if you didn't take your time fighting with Sasaki. Have you really gotten weaker? You do know that the Shinsengumi can't be led by an incompetent vice-commander." The little snot had no decency whatsoever about lashing on the injured, as always.

Toshirou shook with barely suppressed rage as he gritted his teeth, biting on his cigarette.

"Says the guy who took his sweet time fighting a girl." He quipped back aggressively.

"Don't misunderstand, that girl is after my ****," His subordinate didn't even seem the least bit ashamed as he said this while Toshirou barely stopped himself from gawking at him. "There always comes a time in a man's life when he has to protect his most sacred treasure from a woman. Mine just came sooner. Too bad she's an S too so I couldn't get to her *** first. You know that I'm not compatible with my fellow S." The brat was absolutely shameless.

He grabbed the nearest object to him which happened to be an orange from the fruit basket Tetsu had brought him earlier.

"Just what were you guys doing when we were out there fighting?!" Toshirou lobbed the fruit towards Sougo's head.

"Trying to take each other's head, of course." Sougo merely caught the fruit with his hand effortlessly. "Pull your mind out of the gutter, Hentaikata-san. That's unbecoming of a vice-commander. For that matter, why don't you do me a favor and die of shame?" He caught an apple this time as the dark-haired man threw another fruit at his face.

"Who the fuck are you calling a hentai, you damn brat!" He snarled angrily before taking a deep breath to calm himself down, knowing that he couldn't continue to fall for Sougo's baits if he wanted his peace of mind to last. "But, that girl. She's like you, isn't she?" He went back to the original matter at hand.

"The same brand of killer." The other confirmed with a casual shrug. "Only, I get the feeling that she's hiding an even worse monster than we're aware of."

For Sougo to admit that, Toshirou had to wonder just what had happened in their fight.

"By the way, where's Kondo-san?" He finally asked the most dreaded question because he got a somewhat bad feeling about it.

"His fortune cookies finally ran out." _Damn it._ Sougo pointed out with an eyeroll before grabbing something wrapped in paper within the folds of his jacket and tossing it to Toshirou's lap. "And here's one of yours for the day. You still got a lot of these things hidden away in your room." _Whose fault do you think it is?!_ "By the way, smoking in the hospital premises is not allowed. So, I'm gonna be taking these with me."

The blonde then stood up and swiped the one from the man's mouth and the cigarette pack by the bedside table before Toshirou could properly comprehend what happened.

He was awfully reminded of that time when Sougo had gleefully informed him about the smoking ban in the barracks.

" _Sougo_ …" He growled low in his throat as he tossed the fortune cookie inside the fruit basket.

"Gotta get back to work, Hijikata-san." The teen waved off with a look of pure sadistic smugness though he paused as he opened the door and came face to face with another visitor. "Oh, danna. I thought you'd stop showing your mug to the police considering that we almost ended up arresting you for real," was his deadpan greeting to the silver-haired samurai who merely returned it with a nonplussed look of his own.

Just what the hell was this stupid perm doing here? Why couldn't idiots stop showing up? He was injured here!

"Came by to negotiate with Hijikata-kun." Yorozuya shrugged as he yawned, obviously feigning disinterest.

" _Sure_. Whatever lets you sleep at night, danna." There was something weird about his subordinate's tone and judging by the grimace on the lazy ass' face, he didn't miss it either, as the teen finally walked out of the hospital room with his cigarettes, orange and apple on him.

Before he could open his mouth to kick out the curly haired moron, the other pulled his hand out from the folds of his kimono to reveal a bottle of mayonnaise.

Toshirou blinked. Stunned.

After that debacle at the rooftop, he didn't expect to see the perm head soon. Especially not after the man had proudly proclaimed that he was the infamous _Shiroyasha_ for all of them to hear. To be honest, with how strong the bastard was, being acquainted with the likes of Katsura Koutaro, always somehow, _somehow_ , getting tangled into things, Toshirou found that he wasn't really surprised to know. In fact, it just further proved his justifications that this was one suspicious fucker.

A suspicious fucker who always ended up helping them one way or another. Goddamn it.

Not to mention, this guy had apparently been with Tetsu when he'd visited Tamegorou's grave. That knowledge seemed like an uncomfortable reminder that this whole mess had opened up a can of worms that he thought he'd long buried.

"What do you want, Yorozuya?" Toshirou sighed in defeat, leaning back against his pillows.

"Just came to see how you were doing," The man shrugged as he placed the bottle of mayonnaise beside the fruit basket. "You just collapsed by the end there." He crossed his arms over his chest and lazily sprawled himself on the seat Sougo had been occupying earlier.

"Are you here to make fun of me?" He rolled his eyes.

"Gin-san is wounded! How can you think so lowly of him like that?" Yorozuya went on dramatically before his expression smoothened into his usual bored one. "So, really, how are you holding up?"

Part of Toshirou just wanted to lash out and send the man out of here. But, as his eyes strayed to the bottle of mayonnaise, an almost thoughtful gesture from the perm, he found that he'd just feel bad about it if he did that. So, with a put-upon sigh, he settled for just taking the question seriously. He'd followed the old man's advice and let the bastard do what he wanted. Surprisingly, loath as he was to admit, the other's company wasn't so bad.

It felt like a breath of fresh air from their usual antics and from the everyday stress in the Shinsengumi.

"I'm fine," He eventually said as he grabbed the wrapped fortune cookie from the basket. "Could've been a lot worse. The only good thing about being stuck in a hospital is that I'm not the one dealing with the nightmare of closing up this case." Which was a very good point and he was just thankful that Sougo had actually seen fit to keep their commander focused enough to deal with it in his stead.

"It's always work with you, isn't it?" His visitor shook his head in obvious exasperation.

Ignoring him, Toshirou carefully broke the fortune cookie in half. He'd gotten a lot better at splitting it without ruining the entire thing into crumbs. Kondo insisted that smashing it was the fun in getting the fortunes out of them. The cleanliness freak in him would like to disagree.

Before he could read what was written on the tiny strip of paper, a hand shot out and grabbed it from right under his nose.

"Hey!" He protested in annoyance.

Red eyes swept over the words before an almost mirthful grin took shape on those slack features.

"I think you've been cursed, Hijikata-kun." The silver-haired man laughed as he showed him what was written.

 _May you live in interesting times_.

**oOo**

It started with one of his yukatas missing. At first, Toshirou didn't even think twice about it since it might've gotten mixed up in the laundry again. He'd just have to hunt it down in the other men's closet if he had to. Then what came next was one pack of his cigarettes. He'd know since he'd just bought himself these things after being stuck in the hospital without one. One of his most hellish stays. Then his shoes, one of his calligraphy brushes, a vest–

"Who the hell keeps stealing my things?!" Toshirou exploded as he slid the door to the mess hall with a loud bang one morning, beyond infuriated.

All of the men quietened.

"Who'd want to horde your stuff?" came Sougo's bland voice from behind him. "It probably smells like your disgusting mayo stink." His nose wrinkled at the thought.

"Was it you, bastard?" He snarled as he seized the other by his collar.

Because, of course, his primary suspect was always fucking Sougo. The brat always seemed to find new ways to drive Toshirou up the wall. Right now, he was succeeding because he was so very done with this shit. He'd just wanted a normal day for once. Being an organized person as he was, these little things were getting on his every last nerve. If his blood pressure climbed up any higher, he'd get this brat to commit seppuku once and for all.

Hijikata Toshirou was beyond pissed.

Obviously, Sougo denied any involvement and all the men had to dogpile him that morning to prevent him from murdering the First Division Captain. The only thing that eventually calmed him down was Kondo's teary assurances that they'd help him find the culprit. That was after having Harada drag the blonde teen out of his sight. So, he'd avoided going on patrol for that day and had Yamazaki stationed in his room with him since no one had come to own up to the crime.

Kondo had to put his foot down when Toshirou demanded to turn the barracks inside out just to see if it would turn up _something_.

Lunch time had passed which one of the men had served food to his room before scurrying away in fright at the storm brewing in the vice-commander's expression.

"This isn't gonna work," Toshirou growled as he took a long drag from his cigarette, stressed beyond belief.

"We just have to be patient, Vice-Commander." Yamazaki responded optimistically across from him, already munching on an anpan.

Sadly for them, the culprit didn't show himself that day. It took another three days of inactivity before Toshirou grudgingly gave up and went back to patrolling once again. On his way, he went to the vending machine beside a smoking area to buy himself his Mayoboros. After those stressful days, he was feeling sleep-deprived, _again_ , and had practically smoked through all his packs of cigarettes like a damn chimney. He was that incensed.

Just as he was lighting up a cigarette, someone stepped up beside him and wordlessly extended their cigarette to be lit up too.

Shrugging, Toshirou offered the small flame of his mayo lighter. However, as his eyes caught a glimpse of his companion, the flame died out as he froze.

"What the hell…" He mumbled in disbelief, cigarette slipping out of his lips.

Because if his eyes weren't deceiving him, that was _Sarutobi_ standing beside him wearing _his missing yukata_. The light grey one that had been a gift from Kondo on his birthday last year. He would know it since there were the dark embroidered leaves that he was terribly familiar with lining the bottom hem and sleeves. It looked a lot looser on her frame considering their size difference, bound around the waist and shoulders, while violet strands peeked out underneath the wig of spiky black hair on her head.

There was no mistaking those red frames, mole, and face though.

"Ah, that's a waste of cigarette." She tutted in dismay.

Toshirou started shaking in a mix of rage and absolute mortification.

"Sarutobi," He found himself calling out to the woman bluntly, formality be _damned_. "What the hell do you think are you doing?" His voice trembled from trying to maintain a projection of calm because he was seconds away from honestly losing his shit.

He'd never really interacted with the woman before so he had no idea what had triggered this.

To his apprehension, any expression from her face slipped away like water.

"What are you saying?" Her voice was blank as she regarded him. "What am I doing? It's simple. I'm trying to regain Gin-san's honor, that's all." With that, her hand slid into the sleeves of the yukata and pulled out numerous kunai in her hands.

_What the hell is she talking about? She's gone crazy, hasn't she?!_

He moved to pull out his sword but was saved the trouble when the creepy woman went down. He blinked bewilderedly as blood suddenly gushed out from her head from where a large rock had hit her from behind. Following the source of said object, he went rigid as he saw the smiling face of Shimura Tae and the grim-faced Yagyuu Kyuubei approaching them. Toshirou was frozen in place as the pair finally reached them.

"Ara, haven't we already talked about this, Sarutobi-san?" Otae called out, would sound amiable if he hadn't known she'd been the one to bring down the equally crazy woman.

"O-Otae…" Sarutobi rasped as she slowly looked up and the wig slid down her head. "D-Damn you…"

With that, the violet haired woman lost consciousness.

Wordlessly, Kyuubei stepped forward and pulled out a rope from the inner pockets of her coat before crouching down and tying Sarutobi's hands behind her. The scenario was so out of any context he'd had to deal with before, notwithstanding that awful Popularity Poll fiasco, that he could only watch them. He knew that he should be arresting Otae for attempted murder of another citizen of Edo but judging how he was about to be skewered earlier, he knew that he'd best let it be.

"Sorry for the trouble, Hijikata-dono," Why was Kyuubei the one apologizing here? No, for that matter, _what the hell was going on?!_

"What did she mean about regaining Yorozuya's honor?" He found himself demanding.

Also, he didn't remember anything he'd done that would smear that man's non-existent honor. If anything, the idiot had already done a fine job of doing that himself.

Toshirou wondered if this was similar to how the Shinsengumi had raised a ruckus towards that perm when Kondo lost to him.

"Nothing you should concern yourself with, Hijikata-san." Otae had the gall to smile at him like nothing was wrong with this situation at all, not that he was scared of her. Nope. "Don't worry, I'll be sure to deal with her. After this, you won't ever have to worry about her bothering you." There was a promise to her voice.

_Oi, that sounds ominous! What the hell do you mean by that?_

"We would appreciate it if this incident wouldn't reach Gintoki." Kyuubei requested politely with a small bow of her head as she pulled the unconscious Sarutobi by her bound hands, unmindful of the weight.

"Consider this my support to you guys," Shimura Tae winked at him before facing her companion. "Let's go, Kyuu-chan."

Toshirou could only watch blankly as they trotted away, his smoke break totally forgotten.

In the end, he hadn't seen hair nor hide of Sarutobi again ever since that incident. For that matter, all of his stolen belongings were returned the next morning. Afraid of where his lost stuff might have been, he simply put them in a box and stored it deep inside his closet to be forgotten. As Kyuubei had asked, he hadn't told the bastard. Not like he could explain what had happened when he barely understood what had gone on that day.

Interesting times, indeed.

**oOo**

"Slow down, China." Toshirou found himself cautioning as the girl went about inhaling her meal. "The food's not going to disappear." He told her exasperatedly.

Unlike her, her boss was leisurely savoring his parfait, already on his fifth glass. His eyebrow twitched. He and the Yorozuya had been frequently meeting for lunch. For some reason or another, the idiot was nearly always there during his break. It didn't matter if he was with the other Shinsengumi members or by himself. _The curly haired bastard always found him_. At first, Toshirou thought that it was an attempt to eat him out of his own money. But he and the other had taken turns in paying for meals instead.

When Toshirou was in a hurry, it had been Yorozuya who paid. The next time, because he hated being indebted to the other, he'd cover the tab.

It had happened so many times that he lost count of the days. A lot had already happened then. Between those occasions and being swamped with work, Toshirou didn't really have time to properly question how things had fallen into place like this.

What had been more befuddling was that he didn't mind and, dare he say it, he was starting to enjoy the company.

"But Toshi," The Yato protested as she put down her bowl of rice while he had long since given up about her way of addressing him. " _You're_ paying. I just want to eat as much food as I can. Gin-chan never lets me when we go out." She pouted at this and glared at her guardian.

"That's too forward, Kagura-chan!" Glasses interjected from beside the vice-commander.

He'd take China ordering everything in the menu than have Sougo here with him and he'd have to pay three times the amount of her orders for the damages incurred because her bastard of a boss was mostly broke all the damn time. Still, Toshirou had never minded the kids. They were children and had every right to act like it. It had always been another story with the perm who persisted in acting like some fifteen-year-old stuck in an adult's body.

But that had changed lately. At least, _sometimes_ , when the bastard wasn't trying to be infuriating.

"It's fine, I still have a few minutes before I have to go back to patrol," He told her almost absentmindedly as he took a sip of his mayonnaise-flavored coffee. "So, you don't have to worry on my account." The past few days had been a bit peaceful after all.

"Anou, Hijikata-san," Glasses tentatively called him, hesitant. "Will Asa– I mean, Yaemon-san be alright? After what happened?"

Of course, just because things had been peaceful didn't mean that the tension brewing in the horizon was completely absent. Ever since Sada Sada's crimes had been exposed, the political climate had never been the same again. With no one standing in their way, the Hitotsubashi had been steadily working their way up. Toshirou knew long before the Shinsengumi was officially formed that the bakufu that he and Kondo had sworn themselves to were deeply submerged with corruption.

Still, he'd followed his commander anyway. Because they both believed in protecting people. That despite the depravity that poisoned their government, they wouldn't falter and do what was right in their stead. That had been their bushido.

Even if it meant protecting the people from the bakufu they were serving.

"As long as the Hitotsubashi remains the enemy of the Tendoshuu, her head and yours would stay attached to your shoulders." He found himself eventually answering because, despite his hesitation in telling the truth, there was just no other way to say it. "Of course, we shouldn't forget the fact that Asaemon had already surrendered her life and I'm just having lunch with hungry corpses." He took another gulp of his coffee.

"But it sounds dangerous for you guys, though." The kid worried as he fidgeted with his food.

"Oi, Shinpachi, Oogushi-kun's too old for you to be worrying about." The stupid perm finally spoke, having quietly watched their interaction. "Isn't this just a too depressing topic over food? If you're not gonna eat that, give it here." The shameless man demanded.

"That's right, if you're just gonna waste Toshi's treat, just let me have it." China interjected as well, managing to look as annoying as her guardian.

Glasses hugged his bowl of oyakodon to his chest rather protectively.

"Stay away from my food! Haven't you guys already had enough?!" He promptly exploded angrily, chewing out the other two about their manners, their shamelessness and really, in record time, the kid had loosened up again.

Besides, their boss was right. Toshirou was already too old for the Shimura kid to be worrying about him and that was not mentioning the fact that being in danger was actually part of his job description.

By the time his break had ended, he'd planned to go on his separate ways from the Yorozuya. However, while the kids had gone to who knew where, he had gained himself a tagalong. A curly haired bastard tagalong. After all that had happened, Toshirou knew that he didn't mind the man's presence as much as before. If anything, he'd come to appreciate the company. Then again, Sakata Gintoki had always bulldozed his way into his life that he'd just stopped questioning it anymore.

Though, that somber atmosphere wasn't how he usually parted ways with the silver-haired man.

"Aren't you guys supposed to be on a job?" He pulled out a cigarette and promptly lit it.

"Will you really be alright?" was the idiot's response, not answering his question. "After all, Okita-kun did mention that if the situation wasn't handled right, the Shinsengumi might end up getting the blame." The other almost sounded like he could care less but Toshirou had been around him long enough to tell that the fact that he'd asked at all meant he _did_ care.

_Damn Sougo and his big mouth._

He'd always thought that this perm hated his guts what with how much they seemed to fight all the damn time. Toshirou couldn't exactly point out when things between them had started to change all of a sudden. Somewhere along the way, his suspicions had slowly faded and he was forced to face the fact that there was no ruse. That he'd let his guard down and did the things he did not to return the favor but because he _wanted_ to.

That in itself was where other dangerous thoughts began.

"It's our job," Toshirou inhaled deeply, before expelling the smoke into the air. "Don't worry about us."

"When you speak like that, it only makes me think that you always worry about us upstanding citizens but _who_ gets to worry for you guys?" The perm mused aloud before yawning rather exaggeratedly. "Anyway, I'll leave you to it, Hijikata-kun. Seems like you've got it from here," With that, the man turned around abruptly and went back the way he came from.

He huffed. Seriously, who the hell did that bastard think he was?

_Upstanding citizen my ass, that fucking idiot._

"You look like you didn't enjoy your date, Hijikata-san." A bland voice suddenly cut in and Toshirou fought the urge to jump and rigidly turned towards the speaker.

"I keep telling you, it's not like that," Toshirou sighed and while his neck felt warmer, he knew better than to fall for Sougo's traps.

His blonde subordinate shrugged as he fell into step with him.

"Well, danna seems to think so," He pointed out matter-of-factly.

"What would you know about what that asshole thinks?" He bit out irritably as he took another long drag.

"More than you, apparently." Sougo decisively said. "There's dense and there's _dense_ , Hijikata-san. If you really mean it like that, at least have the decency to recognize when someone's after you." The blonde gave him this narrow-eyed look like he was asking why he'd put too much stock into Toshirou's intelligence which was really aggravating coming from this little shit.

In the end, he just settled for glowering at the brat.

"Why the hell are you here, anyway? This isn't your patrol route." His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Oh yeah," Sougo didn't sound the least bit repentant. "Thanks for reminding me. Well, I better get going then, Hijikata-san." He was quick to scurry off.

Toshirou scowled. Damn that lazy ass. Still, the words wouldn't leave his head now that they'd been put there.

_There's no fucking way, right?_

**oOo**

At least, that was what he reminded himself weeks later right after that soul switching mess, out in a bar and alone with the Yorozuya beside him.

To be honest, that whole chaos had changed a lot of things for the people around them just because he and the bastard had switched bodies. It was also a lot of information that Toshirou hadn't wanted to possess. How the bastard looked like naked, how sweets tasted on his tongue, how sensitive he was to the cold, how he always had knots that he had to rub away from his nape, or how the muscles of his body shifted every time he moved.

It pissed him off. And he'd get even angrier for noticing these things.

Then there was the fact that he'd been attacked by Sarutobi while in the perm's body. All fluttery lashes and seductive clingy poses. Then her behavior weeks ago would start to make a crippling amount of sense and Toshirou just plain refused to go there. Not to mention, she'd kind of made him want to barf when he saw her clinging to and kissing his real body, a blushing and panting mess, while in Kondo's body.

He was ashamed to admit that he'd been avoiding Kondo's tackles since then.

 _Better be safe than sorry_ , the fortune cookie told him earlier this morning. Honestly, the deal with Otae had long since been done and Kondo had already been back to his stalking tendencies. So, he didn't really have any obligation to continue reading fortunes from the damn things. Even then, he still found himself occasionally breaking one when he felt like it seeing as he still had some stashed in his closet.

"Ah, it's been a while since we went out drinking." His companion sighed blissfully after having his first cup of sake.

"Don't get carried away, idiot." Toshirou scowled at him but had to agree that it had indeed been a while. "'Cause I'm not carrying your drunk ass back to your place." He snorted as he calmly sipped his first cup, savoring the burn of alcohol.

An arm was thrown around his shoulder while he tried to ignore the warmth that radiated from the limb.

_There's no fucking way, right?_

He hadn't thought of those things not since–

"Come on, don't be such a prude, you bastard," Yorozuya laughed as he poured them both another cup. "This bottle is on Gin-san! Isn't it generous of him? So, let loose and just drink up!" He encouraged as he knocked back another cup.

"Fine, just be quiet already." Toshirou rolled his eyes and did as told.

Maybe it was the alcohol or the jovial atmosphere because he found that he didn't mind that arm around him. Screw Sougo for implying things. So, what if he and the idiot had gotten along better? What was wrong with that? For that matter, there was the issue of Otae staring back at him incredulously when he'd tried to make a move on her using the Yorozuya's face and body in order to persuade her of letting go of that feline abomination.

Still, Sougo had to be wrong. _He had to be._ Because then all those times he'd spent in the company of this man would suddenly have a new meaning.

"You look like you have something on your mind," The object of his thoughts cut in, a half smile on his face.

"Nothing, just thinking about all the work that piled up now that everything's back to normal," Toshirou deflected and tried to sound peevish since it was all true but found himself having to avoid the other's gaze unless he suddenly gained the power to read minds.

For a moment, all was quiet as the perm finally pulled back his arm and the vice-commander ignored the cold left in its wake.

"So," Yorozuya started off slyly, the tone he used when he was seconds away from making fun of him. "How did it feel like to be inside Gin-san's body?" was the innocent question as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Toshirou, in the middle of drinking his third (or fourth?) cup of sake promptly spat it out on the table, blushing.

_This shameless bastard–!_

The moron laughed. He jabbed him on the side to make him stop. Only, the silver-haired man only yelped before laughing harder. He felt his cheeks grow warmer. Thankfully, the bar that they'd chosen didn't have a lot of patrons for tonight because those who were present were giving them annoyed looks. Not that he could fault them seeing that if he was in their place, he'd be really irritated too. Grabbing a napkin from one of the containers by the counter, he proceeded to clean the mess he made.

"Y-Your face…" His companion gasped between chuckles.

"I'm glad to serve as entertainment at your service, you asshole." Toshirou spoke out sarcastically and promptly hurled the sake-soaked tissue at his head.

The bastard didn't even try to dodge, just flicked the thing off from where it landed near his ear.

"I was serious about my question, though." The moron pushed the issue once he got himself under control despite the sharp glare the dark-haired man directed towards him. "It's not every day you get to change bodies with someone else. I'm just curious." He shrugged casually, gulping sake once again.

"It's…different." He found himself grudgingly answering.

"That's all?" The perm almost sounded disappointed. "Well, let me tell you about how it was for _me_. Your body had me waking up at the crack ass of _dawn_. Sweet food tasted overwhelming and there's always a craving for a heavier meal. Your feet also get cold easily so I had to wear socks throughout the barracks. Not to mention, that cravat around your neck seriously feels so fucking warm so I had to remove it. How can you even stand that thing?"

As the complaints went on, Toshirou found his eyes widening in astonishment.

He tried to ignore the rush of gratified satisfaction. _Sougo had to be wrong._

As the night went on while they exchanged stories of how it had initially went down when they'd been on each other's shoes, Yorozuya had complained about having his human bank account of emergency funds be revealed to the kids with money he _still_ owed him, Toshirou had berated him for dismissing the Shinsengumi's Kyokuchuu Hatto, and generally had a rehash about their complaints once they saw the turnabout each other had caused for their respective organizations.

Despite himself, Toshirou found that he enjoyed the night. The warmth of alcohol giving him a pleasant buzz, the companionship that was there, and the very person itself that had been becoming a fixture in his life, staring at him like he appreciated Toshirou being there.

Just for a moment, he wanted to be the wrong one.

And that revelation scared the shit out of him.

**oOo**

When Toshirou got back to his room after they had successfully chased out Katsura Kotarou, he blinked down at the plate of manjū sitting at his table along with a note and a receipt.

 _Greetings, Hijikata-dono_ , the handwriting was eerily familiar now after he'd received reports from the criminal himself. _You truly are a formidable man, forged from the same cloth as our common friend. I can finally see why it has to be you. Take these manjū as a token of my approval._ Then, there was a small congregation of words by the end as if an afterthought. _P.S. You should really hide those cookies better, the fortune told me to pass the bill to the person on my left which happened to be you at the time so I'm leaving the tab of my lunch for you to pay._

His eyebrow was twitching incessantly by the time he was done reading it.

Like _hell_ he was paying for that fucking Katsura's debt! He also didn't need the man's fucking approval for anything! He'd had his suspicions about 'Hashira Afuro' right from the beginning. No one rose through the ranks that quickly. After all, he'd learned his lesson from Itou Kamotarou. The only reason he'd held back had been due to the fact that the man had done a splendid job of rounding up criminals. They weren't Jouishishi, he'd already known that from his own investigations but people who'd been using that title to sow chaos.

Even then, being guilt-tripped by Kondo into letting him and all the men in the barracks to wear afro was bad enough and then it had to be revealed that it was Katsura all along, thoroughly humiliating the whole Shinsengumi in the process.

Damn it, he _really_ wanted to cut Katsura down right there and then. Maybe the embarrassment would die along with him.

Taking a long drag from his cigarette, Toshirou crumpled the note and eyed the plate of manjū distrustfully.

There was a quiet tapping by his shoji doors. He almost wouldn't have heard it if the tapping wasn't bordering on insistent. Sighing, he turned towards it and saw the silhouette of the man he now remembered having asked to report to him. He'd left the cleanup to the others after the bomb had gone off. But, as always with Katsura, the explosion itself wasn't aimed to kill and it was really more annoying than anything else.

"Come in," He eventually said with a sigh.

The door slid open to reveal the visage of Saitou Shimaru.

If he was being honest, Toshirou couldn't remember ever talking directly to this man. Even back then, it had always been Sougo who'd spoken for him. Shimaru had been a member of Kondo's dojo even before Toshirou had joined. That had been one of his reasons why he'd wanted the man to prove his innocence despite Afuro-fucking-Katsura insisting that he'd betrayed the code. Also, he couldn't ignore the man's contributions to their organization, having cut down traitors and sullying his blade for the Shinsengumi.

He waited for the man to enter. However, when it became clear that the other would just continue to stand there, he resisted the urge to groan.

"I said come in and take a seat, Shimaru." He finally ordered before taking one last drag from his cigarette and putting out the stub before disposing it on his ashtray. "It wasn't really you who's talking earlier, was it?" He asked rhetorically as he crossed his arms over his chest.

For a moment, there was no response. The longer Toshirou stared at him, sweat seemed to gather in the silent man's brows despite the non-expression.

Then, almost hesitantly, Shimaru reached into his scarf and pulled out a tiny speaker.

Remembering the dialogues earlier, he resisted the urge to massage his temples at the oncoming headache. It had the Yorozuya written all over it. He should've known the moment Shimaru seemed to have slipped into broken Japanese. That speech pattern was obviously China. He'd always told those idiots to stay out of Shinsengumi business but, just this once, he'd let it go seeing as they had been helping. Again.

"You are the Third Division Captain," Toshirou started with a frown. "What happened earlier was a misunderstanding of huge proportions that could've been avoided if you've just spoken. But I'm starting to understand that it's not the case with you."

Shimaru didn't speak or react. He just lowered his head morosely after a few seconds like a scolded child.

Closing his eyes, he lamented the fact that this meeting would prove to be useless if he didn't get to know Shimaru's perspective in all this. It had been bad enough that they had to put him through a trial after his refusal to speak was taken advantage of by the enemy.

It was totally unacceptable.

When he blinked back into reality, his gaze landed on the still unfinished paperwork he'd left behind for the event earlier. It wasn't until his gaze landed on his brush that the idea came to him. Shuffling forward, he grabbed a blank piece of paper, his brush and his inkstone. Then he turned to face his subordinate and promptly slid the items toward him, suddenly remembering that while he'd never heard Shimaru speak, he'd read his reports before.

Wide red eyes, a different shade from the perm's, stared back at him in surprise.

"Katsura's pet can't speak either," Toshirou explained what brought on the idea. "But it can communicate damn well enough. If you really find it hard to say the words, then just write them down and I'll take the time to read them. In fact, everyone in the Shinsengumi will. I'm sure Tetsu would enjoy anything you have to say, that guy is a sucker for letters." He couldn't help but smile at the floored expression from what little he could see on Shimaru's face.

The man remained motionless for a moment or two before he grabbed the brush, dipped it into the inkstone, and wrote on the paper in his familiar neat calligraphy.

 _I'm sorry about what happened earlierz,_ was the first sentence Shimaru had ever told him.

It took a while and a heap of papers before Toshirou got a gist of what happened from the afro man's end. This guy was so terribly awkward that it was almost painful. How had he lasted this long? But then again, he would remember Kondo and be reminded that the man himself attracted these kinds of characters. It was no wonder that Katsura had easily manipulated the situation to his benefit.

Maybe he needed to have some one-on-one with the other captains about getting to know their subordinates better.

 _The Yorozuya Danna spoke of youz,_ Shimaru suddenly wrote while Toshirou raised an eyebrow. _He told me that I didn't need to worry because as long as you're my vice-commander, things will be alrightz._

"That's rather presumptuous of that natural perm," He found himself criticizing sullenly, despite the unwelcomed fondness he felt.

**oOo**

He didn't thank the Yorozuya outright. But he'd paid for the food for three consecutive lunches. It seemed the perm and the kids understood.

Toshirou was glad that he hadn't heard anything about Katsura following the incident. He was still smarting about the infiltration within their ranks. After thoroughly combing through his subordinates, he'd only been satisfied after all members had been properly accounted for. He knew that it was an experience all of them would rather not go through again. He was especially averse to speaking to Kamiyama again, he didn't need to know what the man wanted Sougo to do to him.

He was in the middle of doing paperwork one afternoon when frantic footsteps reached his ears. Not long after, Tetsu barreled into to his room with frantic energy.

"V-Vice-Commander! There's a package for you!" The chubby boy informed him breathlessly.

Toshirou sighed.

"Couldn't you just bring it here?" He asked as patiently as he could, already pulling out a cigarette because he sensed the stress coming his way.

"There's no return address," Tetsu shook his head vehemently. "And it was just left by the gates this morning. No one saw who did it. And since it's for you, no one wanted to touch it unless they're under your orders."

Well, as the others should. Last time, it had been Ayane who'd sent him a package during Tamegorou's death anniversary. Normally, he'd picked up whatever she sent to him from the post office as he'd drilled the danger of having such blatant correspondence with the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander into her that first time she'd sent a letter, so she learned not to put a return address. However, there had been a week-long holiday coming up so the post office had hosted an event to deliver the packages to their recipients directly.

Toshirou had been in the middle of a case back then so when the package had arrived at the barracks, his subordinates had helped themselves to investigating its contents in his stead. That was also when he'd discovered that pictures of him as a kid celebrating the New Year's with Tamegorou and his wife had circulated the barracks. Needless to say, he'd dished out punishments like they were going out of style, the only way to appease his temper from getting all of them to commit seppuku.

Now, whenever something was sent to him without a return address, no matter how suspicious, his subordinates had learned to defer to him first and foremost.

Standing up, he followed after his assistant out into the courtyard where he saw some of his men crowding a rather large box.

His eyes narrowed. If this was one of Katsura's schemes once again–

"Hijikata-san!" Yamazaki waved to him, nervous glances flitting between him and the package.

"Are you sure you didn't see anyone leave this here?" He questioned brusquely, inwardly incredulous because there was _no way_ someone could lug this outside their headquarters and not be seen.

He was proven wrong when the men shook their heads.

As Toshirou approached the box, all of the men parted to make way for him. In fact, Shimaru was standing beside it, blades already drawn and squinting suspiciously at it. Ever since Katsura, all of his men had developed a sense of paranoia for anything they deemed suspicious. Hell, if he wasn't feeling it himself then he would've found them ridiculous. As it was, there was no note attached outside the box so he unsheathed his sword and proceeded to cut through the tape.

Upon opening said package, Toshirou blinked. And blinked again. And closed his eyes, counted to five, before opening them to see if what he saw would change. It didn't.

He bent down to get a closer look and found the box to be filled with concrete of different shapes and sizes. All rubble and wreckage stuffed in a box. Almost dreading what else he'd find, he unceremoniously kicked it to spill its contents. There was no corpse, bomb, or anything hidden. Just a box full of _debris_. Someone fucking sent him a large box full of freaking _debris_ and he felt his blood pressure spiking up again–

"There's a note here, Hijikata-san," Yamazaki helpfully pointed out as he crouched down and dug the piece of folded paper that had almost been overlooked. "Maybe it's a threat?" The man looked bothered by this as he handed it to Toshirou.

Though, Yamazaki wouldn't be wrong if it was seeing as it wouldn't be the first time.

 _Greetings, Hijikata Toshirou,_ the note started in a barely decipherable chicken scrawl and the familiar salutation made his stomach sink with dread. _I've heard from a very good friend that a particular idiot we know have recently taken a shine to you. So, in support to that, I'm giving you all these rocks and see if you can find something it can be used for. I'm entrusting it to you, Toshi!_ And another line predictably ends it with _P.S. I can call you, Toshi, right? Right? We're practically friends now, after all._

"Who the fuck are you calling Toshi?" He snarled loudly to no one in particular as he crumpled the note.

Whoever this idiot was, he'd forgotten to sign his name.

In the end, the ungodly amount of rubble was used to cover up the wall that had been blown by Sougo when he'd tried to take Toshirou's head yesterday.

**oOo**

"It's been a while since we fought, ne, Hijikata-san?" Sougo entered the dojo, already dressed in hakama and kendogi with a shinai propped by his shoulder.

Toshirou was in the middle of practicing his sword swings that late evening after finally having finished his business with paperwork-san. Pausing, he turned to regard the blonde teen. For some reason, there was something eerily familiar about this scene. He just couldn't put his finger on it. Especially when, without prompting, Sougo stood across from him and took a stance, a smirk already curling his lips.

Of course, he should've known that there was more to it.

"So, what are you gonna do about danna?" The brat asked as Toshirou blocked a swing.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Toshirou grunted as he pushed the other off of him before taking a large step forward to go for a low swing. However, the teen just pointed his shinai down to block the strike, staring back at him cold maroon eyes.

For a moment, he wasn't looking at the Shinsengumi First Division Captain. And he blinked again. He had to hastily shift his hold on his shinai before Sougo took his head off. The other was right, it had been a while since they last sparred. For quite a few moments, he let himself be lost to the movements, the agile shift of feet, the rotation of his wrists, and the sounds of their weapons clashing in the middle.

Then, just as quickly as it had begun, Sougo suddenly jumped back and dropped his shinai on the floor.

"I really can't stand you." The teen eventually murmured, eyes still fixated on Toshirou's face.

"That's something that I already know." He replied as he grabbed the towel hanging by the crevice of the doors and, _still_ , he felt the brat's eyes on him.

Then, Sougo threw his shinai at his head. Toshirou, having expected something like this, just tilted his head to the side and let the training weapon to smack on the wall behind him. Turning back to the teen, the other just crossed his arms and leaned back on the wall, eyes still eerily locked on him. There was static in the air. A hum of _something_. Something that he hadn't sensed from Sougo since–

Ah. Of course.

"Danna is not aneue," Sougo finally broke the silence.

Toshirou flinched.

To be honest, he didn't know what the brat really wanted from him.

He'd tried his best to ignore it for a while.

If anything, Toshirou had always been good at separating personal feelings from his everyday life. So, it went on normally. For as long as he could hold on to it. However, like always, the one to shake his walls would be Sougo. Because he was an impatient little shit like that, always trying to insert himself in his affairs one way or another. It wasn't like Toshirou was blind, not after the brat had brought it to his attention.

He knew what Katsura was giving his approval to. What Otae had actually meant that day. What that box of debris implied. Or just what China and Glasses are up to, either always trying to include him in their group or leaving him alone with the perm. It was just easier not to say anything.

Because the truth made him feel like scum.

Toshirou still loved Mitsuba. He figured that he always would. But that fact still didn't stop him from feeling the same for another.

The natural perm had carved his place in Toshirou's life that he would still leave a permanent hole if he'd really tried to get rid of him. He'd been so used to him being _there_ that he couldn't imagine Edo without him. The man was just so fucking persistent that he'd let the moron in before he realized it. Some part of him wished that the idiot didn't get close, that they just stayed the way they always used to be.

With Mitsuba, he'd drawn the line and never made a move near it. With Yorozuya, he never even realized he'd already gotten past it.

How could one go back once they'd crossed that certain line?

"You always act like you're a heartless bastard," Sougo continued when Toshirou failed to say anything in response. "And I'm so sick of it. If you're still just gonna be a bastard, at least be an honest one." With those words, the teen trudged out of the dojo without glancing back.

**oOo**

After that, Toshirou had come to a conclusion. He needed to end it before it could worsen any further.

Only, it didn't exactly go as planned.

 _Scenario 1_ : Yorozuya was telling him a story about humans turning into cats after being cursed from defiling a cat's grave. Toshirou had been listening, of course. There was even something familiar about it considering that the man had mentioned a gorilla somewhere in that story. He'd planned to tell him once the perm finished his story. Unfortunately, throughout his tale, the man went into a series of hiccups while drinking his strawberry milk, snorting out said drink through his nostrils, on the table and right into Toshirou's uniform.

"Ugh! You are so fucking gross, idiot perm!" He'd cried out in disgust, dismayed when he realized there were no tissues nearby.

"Sorry!" The silver-haired man hiccupped again, obviously trying not to laugh.

Toshirou went to the men's room to clean up. Thankfully, the idiot hadn't gotten a drop near his cravat because, if he did, he was going to eviscerate him. Without him noticing, his lips had tilted up into a fond grin. It wasn't until he caught his reflection on the mirror above the sink that his expression immediately dropped. When he went back to their table, the idiot was in a hurry and told him that he just remembered that he had a job with the kids, leaving Toshirou stuck with words he hadn't said.

 _Scenario 2_ : China and Glasses were with him. With the kids around and knowing that they supported the perm in whatever they thought was going on between him and the vice-commander, Toshirou didn't have the heart to end it with them present. So, in the end, all of them had gotten ice cream. It was the perm's treat after a job of helping someone manage a ramen restaurant the night before. He watched the three playfully argue with each other, thought that he was gonna miss it.

 _Scenario 3_ : He had just finished congratulating the men for a job well done on the successful raid they'd conducted two days prior, so Toshirou had left them in good spirits. He had just taken three steps past the gates when a familiar voice called out to him. Of course, it was the fucking Yorozuya who'd come to deliver their commander after obviously having been brutally rejected once again by Otae. The banter had been deeply ingrained in his interactions with this man that, before he knew it, he'd promised the perm one parfait tomorrow.

"Yorozuya, I–" The words wouldn't make it past his lips, so he shook his head and dismissed the other before he caught on. "Nevermind."

"Toshi, why are you doing this to yourself?" Kondo's voice suddenly reached him once they got past the gates.

Head snapping to his supposedly unconscious friend, his commander was staring at him sadly. Like he knew Toshirou was only making it hurt worse.

"It's for the best, Kondo-san." He found himself saying as the man separated from him and staggered to his feet.

"Is it really?" The man still had that stupid despondent look on his face that made Toshirou want to punch him. "Or is it because you think you deserve it? This isn't like you, Toshi. It really isn't." He now looked ready to cry.

Sighing, the vice-commander patted the man's head like a parent would to a child.

"Trust me, I know."

 _Scenario 4_ : Yorozuya and Sougo were teaming up against him once again. Especially after the little shit had showed him photos of Tomoe-chan's merchandise that Toshirou didn't have the heart to throw away. Before he knew it, the Yorozuya was off with a mocking promise to buy him another one while Sougo just stared at him in annoyance.

 _Scenario 5_ : China had gotten ahold of him that afternoon, told him the perm was busy, and had manipulated him into buying her a stuffed rabbit.

 _Scenario 6_ : Otae was there, for the first time in this whole fiasco, having lunch with them. With her serene smile in place, Toshirou couldn't utter a word of what he wanted to tell the perm. Not with that smile that told him to behave _or else_. Yamazaki was a nervous wreck beside him while Tetsu was having the time of his life chatting with the younger Shimura. His eyes met the perm's and they could only sigh in commiseration.

 _Scenario 7_ : The idiot singing out of tune, obviously tipsy, as they got themselves drunk at another bar–

 _Scenario 8_ : He couldn't let go–-

**oOo**

Toshirou stood silently as he stared at Mitsuba's grave. He remembered the day of her funeral and how it felt like the world had turned gray with her passing. Even now, staring at her name carved into the tombstone, it felt like a punch to the gut. While he'd already come to terms with her death, it didn't mean it was any easier to face her like this. Then he'd feel worse because he didn't have the guts to confront her the way he did now when she'd been alive.

Last night had been an eye opener.

To be honest, he'd wanted to finally confront the perm. Then he'd seen him with an unknown woman at the bar. Which was annoying. Still, it wouldn't stop him. His first business had been to get so drunk that he wouldn't hesitate the way he always did when sober. That had been the plan until the stupid bastard got in his way like he always did.

Toshirou had wanted the damn perm to be angry at him. The way he was at himself. So, he'd demanded the man to tell him about his past. Because intruding on someone's privacy and demanding them to come clean about their history was always a fast track to offend someone. Still, instead of getting annoyed, the silver-haired man had regaled to him a childhood that was almost as bloody as his own (if not more). That was not the attitude of a man who could hate someone like Toshirou.

Then he'd found himself admitting things to him more than he'd planned and–

It had been easier to pretend that he didn't know.

"I'm sorry," He started to say and found that he really hadn't prepared for this. "That I never gave us a chance. But I made that choice with you in mind. I'm apologizing because, even if I can turn back the time, I know that I'll be making the same choices again." He paused at that, trying to get his bearings.

To be honest, it felt ridiculous speaking to a tombstone. It was the same feeling he always got whenever he visited Tamegorou's grave. That was the reason why he couldn't stand them, only opting to leave something on their final resting place to tell them that he always remembered them. Even now, that feeling never changed. Because he knew that the Mitsuba he remembered would be quietly listening to him, fiddling with the sleeves of her kimono, with a small smile on her beautiful face. A warm presence.

Right now, it was just a cold stone with her name on it.

"But," Toshirou swallowed because the hard part was just beginning. "Someone taught me. You've already met him. That sometimes, it doesn't always have to be a choice. That sometimes, it just happens. I love you, Mitsuba. It's always gonna be that way. But, this guy, I don't want to give him up. At this point, I'm already half-convinced that I _can't_." He chuckled to himself, torn between feeling helpless and fond.

With that, he brought out the pack of spicy senbei he'd bought on the way and crouched down to place it in front of her resting place.

"And I've always wanted you to know," He smiled as he brought out another thing he'd been saving since this morning, placing it right beside her favorite snack. "I'm happy that I met someone like you."

 _Be happy,_ were the simple words written on the strip of paper from his fortune cookie that day.

With that, Toshirou stood up and just remained standing there. The same peaceful silences he used to share with her while watching the sunset, the same orange and pink hues now casting shadows on her grave. Even though it was just a stone, he wanted to believe that Mitsuba had at least heard what he'd said. And he'd tell her again when they eventually meet at the other side. Because she deserved that much.

He wasn't much for words, hadn't had any to give Tamegorou, and it wasn't different for Mitsuba. Still, he hoped that they understood.

Pulling out a cigarette, he turned around to walk out of the cemetery. Maybe he could even stop by Tamegorou's–

Toshirou froze.

Standing there by the entrance was Sakata Gintoki, wearing the same half-smile as he blinked those dead fish eyes at him. For a moment, the scene before him didn't compute. Though, Toshirou couldn't help the fond smile curling his lips as he stepped towards the other. Of course, he should've known that wherever he went, the stupid bastard was always going to find him. Even amongst the graves here in Bushu. It shouldn't be surprising anymore.

"I won't pay for your rent," Toshirou said as way of greeting.

"I won't have you smoking your ass inside my house," The idiot was quick to snap back at him, falling into step with the vice-commander as they both exited the cemetery.

He clicked his tongue in annoyance.

"I won't tolerate any PDA." He added bluntly, lighting up his cigarette and taking a long drag.

"Huh?" The man had the nerve to act disinterested as he jammed his pinky finger up his nostril, the shameless idiot. "But didn't we just kiss outside last–"

" _Shut up!_ " Toshirou felt the warmth rushing to his face.

"Fine," The other just rolled his eyes at him. The fucking nerve of this guy. "I won't stand for you just disappearing for weeks without telling me." Despite his bored tone, the sharp side glance he pierced him with was anything but indifferent.

"You know that's classified." He exhaled another puff of smoke.

"I don't need the details, moron. Just tell me if you'll be gone for long so I won't have to worry about you suddenly disappearing."

"Ugh, _fine_. I won't look the other way if you commit any crimes. I'll still arrest you. And tell your friend Katsura that he won't get a free pass either."

An offended scoff.

"Don't I at least get special privileges in prison then? And don't worry about Zura, give him hell actually, I would appreciate that more. Also, I won't offer you free services from the Yorozuya. You guys will have to pay us if you want anything done by us."

"That should be a given, idiot." He felt exasperated by this point. "That's what we call business. So, are we done?"

He'd already said a lot to this curly haired bastard. Some of the things that even Toshirou hadn't wanted him to know. It couldn't be helped, he guessed. Maybe some part of him would always still feel bad about this. But he had the feeling that the good could outweigh it. That someday, the guilt would stay gone. Right now, though, he felt at peace. Like he'd finally accomplished a long-term case. That someday, he could tell Gintoki what he needed to hear too.

For a moment, the perm was quiet.

"Did you at least get to say what you want to?" Gintoki sounded like he already knew the answer.

"Yeah, I did."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for giving these two fics a chance! I'm so very happy. Toshirou was easier to write, for some reason. Please tell me what you think of them. :)
> 
> Point:  
> (1) Edited: Gintoki complaining about a bank account of emergency funds but in the arc, it was actually Hijikata’s money. Thanks to Walang_Tinta for pointing it out. Since the two were paying for each other for some time now in my fic, I meant to convey it that Gintoki was referring to Hijikata as that bank account, so I edited that part.  
> (2) My friend, whom I wrote this series for, pointed out that the fortune cookies should’ve already gone bad for how long the duration of this fic has occurred but I like to think that it was Sougo who keeps replenishing them to mess with Hijikata. I’ll leave it here.  
> (3) If you see other mistakes about the arcs themselves, please feel free to point them out. Thank you!


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